雪垠 的个人资料藤椅上的故事照片日志列表更多 ![]() | 帮助 |
|
|
7月30日 自说自话-1暑假以来甚闲,重开自说自话的传统,一日所读所想所感,琐碎道来。 What is History 第二遍读毕。固有掩卷大呼过瘾之感,但毕竟Carr先生相对主义倾向太重留下太多不是答案的答案,读完之后很多想法的谬误得到澄清,但什么是正确的历史观并没有被说服。真理越辩越明,无人相伴,变只好今天的自己和明天的自己互相争论。 误入法制史的路,当初纯粹觉得比起实定法更喜欢基础法,又加之从小的历史偏爱,便踏上了这条不归路。学着学着,很羡慕实定法的同学,他们有成型的方法体系,不用去质疑也没人质疑,顺着成型的路努力往前走即可。今日一起自习时,问实定法的日本同学,你想过法律是什么吗?想过学这门法律是为什么?得到茫然的眼神。 而每个学习法制史的人首先就得问自己,什么是法制史?它到底是法律还是历史?如果是法律该写什么样的不同于实定法的法律?如果是历史该写什么样的历史?慢慢确认它是历史之后,又在历史观上迷失。16年教育得到的马克思主义史观,在Collingwood和Carr的冲击下不堪一击,可旧的毁掉了,还在等待重建,在主观化和客观化之间摇摆。Carr告诉我们,历史是现在与过去的对话,是历史学家和史实的对话,这种两级的否定,告诉我们真理在中间的说法。由于缺少了具体定位了的标尺,并未减轻一丝摇摆。Carr又说真理与客观的标准都是与时俱进的,而不是空想而能得出的绝对的绝对标准。这么说,这些标准,只有在我勇敢的敲下我的第一篇历史的时候,才能慢慢清晰起来。 继续开始读溪内谦的「現代史を学ぶ」,很欣慰这位东大法学部的老师也坦称读Collingwood的The Idea of History,多少遍之后仍是不懂。溪内老师提了一个说法,历史是源自对未来的不安,当人想到将来不确定的时候,他就回不断回过头去,从他的过去中找寻答案, which is definately from Mr. Carr’s proposition of past and future。于是想到了法学界的自信,作为显学的法学是对自己的未来充满自信的,他们相信自己的方法正确,相信正在迈向更好的,于是他们高傲的不用请教历史。就像上世纪五六十年代历史在美国的式微,当一个民族骄傲的站在世界之巅的时候,他觉得不需要历史。 学史,在过去和将来之间更好的定位自己。 7月29日 今日所宅近乎没出门的渡过了一天。好久没宅过,突然这么一下反倒觉得不知道怎么消磨时间。 早饭之后,为享受免费空调,到宿舍的lounge看书。一个人时而踱来踱去,时而缩到角落里,时而再躺着眯一会,看到有趣之处读出声来也没问题。倒也还很惬意。只是这英文的哲学书,看了不到两个小时,脑子就有停顿的感觉,然后理不清条理,看不懂单词了。第二遍看E.H.Carr的What is History,字字珠玑,妙趣横篇。读到之处真想找人一起讨论,环顾四周无人。再到下午遇到一起自习的日本人,想试着讨论,再次深感如此精妙之处非母语不足以传达呀。 疲惫的大脑不足以读书,便翻出岩井俊二的DVD,《鬼汤》。看完之后一个感慨,大师也有幼稚的时候,这部片子的水准实在是次了点。除了女主角古灵精怪蛮可爱,竟然想不出优点。上豆瓣毅然的点上二星。 晚上的跑步,一如既往的海边6km跑。今天来了一位中村同学。号称大一的时候半程马拉松1小时7分。我的天呀,一般6km都要半个小时了,速度将近快我们一倍。为了跟上他的慢跑状态,到最后1km的时候都喘不上气了。事后问到训练方法,有没有什么窍门之类。回答到长跑除了反复训练没有其他方法了吧。嗯,为了毕业前的东京马拉松半程,除了跑只有跑。 宅毕,就寝~ 7月26日 烟花夏之风物诗--隅田川花火大会。 24万发烟花,90余万人赴此东京夏季最盛大的约会。 银座线的电车上已是满满当当,女孩子们都争奇斗艳,不是浴衣,也都拿出了自己最好看行头了吧。从浅草站到会场不长的路,却因满是观赏客变得举步维艰。看着几十万人在会场边等待这场盛宴的时候,会有点觉得日本人审美观真是统一的够可以的呀。 抵达会场,正对着发射台。烟花都是近在咫尺的绽放,那种动态而震撼的美丽恐怕不是文字能传达好的,即使图片也会无力。很可爱的是相机一字排开,从D700到我可怜的X3,快门声此起彼伏。只是事后我自己开玩笑说是用单反相机拍出了卡片机还不如的效果。没有快门线的劣势暴露无遗。太多的从取景框和屏幕上看到的烟花,却忘了那在眼前绽放的真实的美。到最后放弃了,横过镜头,调到摄像模式,一劳永逸的等待表演而已。 却也知道了更合适的观赏花火的方法。能邀三五好友,早早占好地方,边喝些酒边聊些天,自然是享受这盛宴的好方法。或者只是牵着浴衣里她的手,不需早到,在会场的近端寻一立足之地,轻语中看完这些绽放便已经足够幸福。而,最下策大概就属背着三脚架和相机,通过屏幕咔嚓一阵了。 花火大会自然少补了浴衣。曾经觉得浴衣是日本女孩子最美的表现。于是夏日街头偶尔一现,总是惊艳万分。而今日所见的浴衣,却是炎热之下拥挤在街头,脸被温度和妆容弄的红通通,丝毫没有浴衣本来清爽淡雅的感觉。大概浴衣控至此打住。 有点变成花火fan,8月8的东京湾花火大会自是下面期待的重点。心想其间的江东区大会和神宫外苑大会是不是也要去呢? 夏天,就应该向烟花一样尽情绽放,不是吗?
7月25日 选择进入暑假的节奏。自然醒的早晨,早饭之后能放松的坐在桌前,望着院子里吵闹的孩子们,发呆,想自己的选择。 从笔直的路,走到分岔口。有点怀念人生最开始的20年,不需选择,要做的只是努力而已。但也知道那只能是怀念,大概选择正是真正成长的标志,自己开始为自己纷繁复杂的人生负责。 最近一直在打听别人人生,众说纷纭,近乎随机分布的结果并没有让我更清晰起来。只是这种不一致,是不是也在说明人生的选择本就没有绝对的最优,与其期待一个完美答案,不如认真找寻自己的适性;与其说在比较优点,不如说是比较你能舍弃的是什么。律师也好,公务员也好,老师也好,每一份职业的中长期平均期待值大概是看得出一二的,无法决断只是因为无法舍弃。这种决断在迄今还算如意的人里尤为困难,因为已经太适应了什么都想要。太强的好胜心让自己内心的声音越来越远。 审视的 时候,会觉得自己不是个很有金钱欲的。无法明白存折上数字的增加为何有如此魅力。但眼睁睁的看着些现实,看着作为男人必须承担的责任,看着BBS上无数为钱而哭泣自己曾经选择的人,于是一直担心坚持自己内心的话,会不会结果也是如此。越来越发现觉得自己能逃过规律的人,往往也越是陷入规律。 这个暑假有刻意安排些逃出自己生活的活动,也许答案就在别处。期待自己十月份时的答案~ 桃大好きいきなり桃が好きになった。柔らかで、口の中でぴゃぷぴゃぷの感じ。 7月17日 Speech from Steven JobsI ran into it during a test. Those underlined (by me) are especially impressive, which make one re-think about what to purchase in the life.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs saysThis is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005. I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories. The first story is about connecting the dots. I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out? It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college. And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting. It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example: Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating. None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later. Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life. My second story is about love and loss. I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating. I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over. I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life. During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together. I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle. My third story is about death. When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something. Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes. I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now. This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept: No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true. Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions. Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. Thank you all very much. 夏天来了本学期最后一堂课终于在我昏昏欲睡的眼神中结束了。接下来就是期待已久的暑假了。 首先是把睡眠补足,放肆的睡上几天。最后的两个礼拜,似乎平均睡眠时间没有坚守住7小时的预定底线。自饭量被压缩了之后,睡眠时间居然也能如此压缩。 夏天的主题是花火,浴衣和旅游。昨天在正常的约会时间路过饭田桥,已经无数女孩子身着浴衣。日本女孩子平时的花枝招展,根本敌不过浴衣的那种含蓄充满清凉质感的美。头发盘起后轻细的脖子,发间简单而些许别致的发簪,手间的小包和噼嗒噼嗒的木拖鞋。在这个微风尚不太热的初夏,还有什么更美的景色吗? 浴衣,海边,花火,西瓜。日本标准的夏天约会模式。这个假期,值得好好期待。 暑假的游玩计划不少。富士山,伊豆的海边,迪斯尼。还有回国之后的云南之行。关于有钱没闲,有闲没钱的历史性两难局面,大概谁也回避不了。而这最后的两三个假期,很有可能是最后能两者相对平衡的时期了,错过了它们,下次便不知何时了。 嗯,让暑假来得更猛烈些吧。 7月12日 杂记装好网络,OUTLOOK因此复活。设置的问题,从第一封邮件重新开始收,这个邮箱的第三年了吧,几千封邮件洪水似的的往收件箱里涌。有时候就发呆的坐在窗前,看着一封封邮件的标题刷新着。无聊的日记和邮件都是这样异曲同工,因为不想遗失任何的记忆。希望这个容量继续增长gmail能让我终老于此吧。 说起记忆,发现自己记不住别人名字的严重问题。最近的一个月已经且有三四次了吧。更甚的上周party的时候,热情的上去说 i think this is the first time we meet each other, blabla. 被别人回一句 i don’t think so. but anyway, i am ***,from ***。瀑布汗呀~~。 周末开始吃丰盛的早餐。米饭+烤鱼+酱汤(味噌汁)。呵呵,觉得自己吃的好像日本人呀。天气晴朗的周末,吃上如此早餐,然后在电脑前发些牢骚,让人心情愉快。 其他的生活还在依然继续,遇见优秀的人,发现身边人更优秀的一面。未来的景象稍微清晰起来。一切都好,尽管些许烦恼。 7月2日 生活在水边习惯跑步机了,今天第一次去试着跑了一下户外。天壤之别呀,尤其是在拥有如此夜景的台场,居然跑出了心旷神怡的感觉。 沿着东京湾经过潮风公园和台场海滨公园,到彩虹桥下折返。一路上景色无可挑剔。潮风公园入口处高高两排的椰子树,隐约是一种进入另一世界的象征。东京湾对面正是货船码头,不像办公楼里冷冷的荧光灯,金黄炙热的白炽灯把海面映的金黄一片。正好一艘刚刚起航的船,在这个强烈金黄的背景下只剩暗暗的轮廓,慢慢的离开海湾。很喜欢都市里这片炙热的灯光和金属的搭配,赶紧去买三脚架好好拍下来。接着的台场海滨公园,东京约会的圣所之一,都10点半多了,情侣仍然络绎不绝。感叹一下,身居台场,不好好约会实在是暴殄天物。 折返回到潮风公园的时候,开始转跑为走。突然静下来之后,才发现这海岸边的熟悉色彩。绿树、公园、栏杆、不宽的水面。恰好耳机里响着珞珈的声音,才发现这不正是大一时的湖滨吗?大学的四年,那种生活在水边的日子,随着来到东京之后疏远。没有想到一个循环之后仍回到了似曾相识的场景。其实在这个毕业的季节,听着这样的歌,身处这样时光恍惚的场景,终究是让人感伤的。怀念那个四年,也许说高考考的更正常些,我将不会跨入珞珈。但那个校园给了我18到22岁所该得到的一切,没能更优秀只能怪自己的懒惰,能不能怪珞珈。而且现在看来,我是不会用那个四年去换取出人头地的。人生是该拥有那么些无忧无虑的回忆,不然以后躺在藤椅上会遗憾的,不是吗? お休み |
|
|